A passage from my pregnancy journal…get some kleenex.

I first felt your flutters the week before Thanksgiving.  I wish I had documented the first time your Dad got to feel you, sometime near Christmas.  Now, at 35 weeks you roll and kick like you’re doing some crazy 1980s Jane Fonda aerobics (like your grandma used to do…leotard, headband, tights and all).  Sometimes my stomach is 2 inches higher on one side than the other!  Feeling you is the best part of being pregnant.  I love touching my stomach – sometimes I worry about how it looks to others, constantly rubbing my huge pregnant belly – but I don’t really care.  I wonder if you can feel my abundance of love through my pats, rubs and pushes (I admit it, I like to taunt you).  One night, you moved so much, I made Graham do a web search to make sure you were moving normally and not having weird seizures. The doctor assured me at the next visit that pre-natal seizures are impossible and your movements are a sign of a healthy and active baby.  The most intriguing mystery is what part of you am I actually feeling – is it your little behind shoved up against my upper stomach—am I poking you in the butt?  A few nights ago, we’re certain we felt a little hand, it was a graceful little movement all the way on my right side.  Both Graham and I felt it at the same time, we looked at each other with surprise and giggled at the new movement.  I love it when your Dad touches my belly in hopes of feeling you move.  Okay, I’m tearing up as I write this, but you will be blessed throughout your childhood with the most amazing father a daughter could ever wish for.  If there’s one thing I’ll be proud of in raising you, it’s marrying your Dad and allowing you to see the beauty of a happy and dedicated marriage. I’m sure we’ll have our rough times, but I am absolutely certain our relationship will sustain any challenge.  I’m sure you’ll discover along the way, that a good Father (or any Father at that) was not a part of my childhood.  I tried so hard to get my Dad to love me and accept me.  Raw truth is that I just wanted to be Daddy’s little girl.  The story is a long and difficult one to tell, and someday I’ll share it with you. But getting to see your Dad raise you will be one of the most joyful and wonderful parts of my life.  Giving you one of the things I wanted most, but couldn’t have.  It makes me extra glad you’re a girl.  In the almost 6 years I’ve known your Dad, I’ve never seen him cry.  I asked him the other day how he thought he would react the moment you’re born.  He said he’d probably cry.  I’ll follow-up and let you know if he does.   Alaire (ha, now only Google Docs knows your name besides me and your Dad), you’ll have your Dad wrapped around your little finger, enjoy every moment you have in his arms and every ounce of love he gives you.   It will be a source of confidence throughout your life, steady you, inspire you and set you up to achieve absolutely anything you desire.  OF COURSE I’ll be there too – but there’s something special about a girl and her Dad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s