My new schedule presents the challenge of absolutely no time to blog.  But these posts buzz around in my head until I start to feel panicky that I will forget the details of the stories I want to share with Alaire someday. So, I steal a few moments at work.  Don’t judge!  I’m not taking a lunch today! Last Wednesday marked my first day back to work and Alaire’s first real day at daycare.  I anticpated the emotional build-up by not sleeping the week before and feeling constant tummy butterflies.  I even “practiced” my morning routine to prepare.  My new schedule includes:
4:45am wake-up, pump, drink lots of coffee
5:00 workout or run
6:00 shower
6:45 Alaire wakes and eats
7:15 make smoothies and get bottles ready
7:30 hit the road
8:00 settle Alaire in at daycare
8:30 get to work

My words were true during the many conversations where I declared my passion for my job since becoming pregnant.  I LOVE what I do and thinking about my projects induces an incredible rush.  But leaving Alaire that first morning just sucked.  My friend sleep aborted about two hours before the alarm so I got up early and typed up a list of instructions and tendencies for Andrea, Alaire’s “teacher,” then went for a 5 mile run.

I packed our “work” bags the night before and our mound (literally) of gear waited by the back door.  Graham helped me load the car and probably gave me 100 hugs to console my aching heart and nervous head.  Why didn’t I think to buy waterproof mascara?

I held it together for our commute in, distracting myself with my favorite NPR programming, but after parking and fumbling with the stroller my flimsy dam of tears broke again.  I started to walk towards the back door of the building that houses the daycare and someone from the play ground hollered, not that door, then pointed to another door.  But there were two doors where she pointed and I of course chose the wrong one.  Nope, not that one, it’s the middle one.  First day, I muttered.  It’s okay, we’ve all had our first days.

Next, a construction worker stopped me in the lobby to ask if I was okay.  First day of daycare, I replied.  She’s in good hands, he exclaimed.  This is getting obnoxious, I thought to myself.  I punched in the code to the Infant 1 room and felt relieved to be alone.  I set Alaire on a play mat and unloaded the diapers into her assigned bin, her clothes into her drawer and her sleep-sack and pacifiers into her bed.  Next another mom arrived, took one look at me and said, it’s your first day!!  I just want to hug you, which made me cry more.  Finally Andrea, Alaire’s teacher came from another room and  we walked through the instructions for feedings, naps, what makes Alaire happy and what makes her mad.  I think I told her 10 times I would be back in 2 hours to feed Alaire.

All the while, my sweet little daughter just smiled.  I left her smiling again on Thursday and again on Friday as if to say, I’m going to have fun today mom!

Why do I have a feeling this scene will play out many times over as my daughter seeks new adventures and I work to balance life as a mother, wife, marketer and runner.